Its has been 10 months since I fell ill in Kota Kinabalu. It is a 10 long and testing months for me. I can still remember the day I became fully aware of my condition, ie on the 15th May 2005. That was the day the Specialist
extubated me and later that morning my wife told me what happened. It took quite sometime for the facts to hit me. And it really shook me because for almost 1 week I was in tears. Yup, tears just filled up my eyes and rolled down my cheeks whenever I think about my illnes, whenever I spoke to family and friends on the handset, whenever people came to visit me and most of the time I could not thank Allah for giving me back my life.
2 days earlier I could 'see' images of my family and later my wife. Yes! I could see their silhouttes On those days I could not tell them because of the
endotracheal tube' (ETT) was still in my throat. But, I thank Allah for making me unaware that the ETT was there! Had I known about it, I would become anxious and restless to have it pulled out. Emm..When my kids were with me, I remember asking them to scratch my back because it was itchy. Hehe, they did not know what I wanted then because I could not talk. Can't blame them though. They kept on holding my hand and shaking it.... Now I know the true meaning of being Blessed by Allah with all the senses!!!
The night before Dr. Lily Ng (the Chief Anaesthetist) told me that if nothing happens, I could be extubated by midday. I was very excited and I wanted the "tube" (actually I thought it was like a
mouth piece) to be removed because it was "traumatic" and 'painful" during the
suctioning procedures. I had those "suctioning scenes" in my dreams and they were very eerie for me. I kept on thinking that would be one of my most memorable time of my life.That night I told my wife and Hana to rest early so that they witness it; but Dr. Rosnah caught them by surprise. Hehehe. As for me, I was restless the whole night and kept on asking the Staff Nurse on duty about the time.
On 15 May 2005, Dr. Rosnah decided to extubate me early that morning. When she told me she wanted to do it, I had mixed feelings - happy because I wanted the tube out of my throat and sad because my family was not there. I did'nt tell them because I did'nt want to wait longer. (Was I selfish!!) When they asked me to hold my breath before pulling out the tube, I thought "
is this one of those suction scenes which were 'painful'. The only difference is, now I am not dreaming anymore". It was over even before I could day dream. hehehe. They were very efficient and professional in their work. The first thing I did was to taste the trail of saliva that was left behind by the tube. Emmm.. it did'nt taste bad after all.
After clearing my throat, I asked the Staff Nurse in a husky voice for my wife and daughter. At that moment, I felt happiness filling my body upon hearing my own voice. (I did'nt know my condition then).
Later that evening Encik Naim, Pn Norohana, Pn Hasnah and Matron Fathilah from HKL visited me. They came a day earlier and I told them to come later after I was extubated. In fact at the first visit, I managed to scribbled some messages to Pn Norohana about Hana and Aimi. I didn't know then that almost all my motor power were very poor. Hehehe. ...
