Jebat

Values to have to Succeed

2009-03-02T14:28:00.000-08:00

Let me share with you some of the options / values that I believe can be of help to you if you want to succeed in anything that you do:-

We need to KNOW what we want or want to do
After that, we must WANT to do what we know
To succeed, we have to be fully AWARE of the things we know or want to do
We need to do it with COMMITMENT
Finally, we need to have KNOWLEDGE in anything that we do.

"Tahu -- Mahu -- Sedar -- Komited -- Berilmu"

Key Success Factors

2009-03-02T13:18:00.000-08:00

2 March 2009

I had a meeting with the nursing personnel of Tuanku Ja'afar Hospital (HTJS) to discuss on issues related to nursing care. In attendance were my Deputy and a senior doctor.

It was noted that of late there were many incidents and complaints that were related to nurses in HTJS. I was disturbed by these complaints and had caled for this meeting. The objective of the meeting was to identify possible reasons and ways to overcome them.

The meeting agreed that more drastic actions and concerted efforts need to be taken by all nursing and administrative personnel. When asked to identify Key Success factors to achieve these goals they were unsure and gave vague suggestions. I then suggested the following factors that they need to internalise and disseminate among the nurses for them to move forward together:-

To succeed the nurses must understant that they WANT to improve and ensure all nursing procedures are adhered to
They must be COMMITED in order to achieve this
They must be SINCERE in carrying their duties at all times

Besides the 3 factors, there are also advised to internalise the 6 values that are in the S.T.A.M.P.S. concept that was launched in 2007, ie.,

Begin our interactions with clients with a Smile
Be graeteful and always Thank those who helped or assist us in anything
Seek Apologies for any mistakes or inconveniences that we incurred to others
We need to Measure our performance regularly
Praise theose who deserved them
Always Share our love, happiness, sorrows and pride.

City Villa Crash!!!

2009-03-01T01:56:00.000-08:00

Something happened today around 3 pm at City Villa Hotel in Kuala Lumpur. There was a solitary 'earthquake' around that time.

We (myself, Maryam Dayat and my 2 granddaughters) sent SKO to the hotel as she had a meeting there. While waiting for her, we decided to say our prayers.

I went to the ablution area with Nayya. She was asking me why I used the tap which was too low for me. Well you know kids at 3+ will have all kinds of questions. I gave her an acceptable answer. (I think). Knowing the place was slippery. So after the ablution, I walked slowly and tried to control my step by reaching out to an adjacent wall. But before I could my hand could the wall, I slipped and fell backwards. Luckily my head did not hit a divider there. In a split second I heard a staff of the hotel yelling someone fell and Dayat was there to assist me.

I knoew I did not hurt or break any bone because there was no extraordinary pain. I reached out my hand and Dayat pulled me up. I did not feel anything painful except for a sore left bump. As I walked slowly to the musallah, I could still hear the lady talking about the place being slippery and a lady fell last week. As I placed the prayer mat and about to say my prayer, suddenly I felt very sorrowful. I ignored the feeling and finished my prayer. Later I played with my granddaughters.

However, I could not remove that feeling. Yes, that sad feeling... I had been telling people that ever since I fell ill in May 2005, I had not slipped and fall. I had been very careful. Today I slipped and fall. Subconsciously that must really hurts me.

While waiting for SKO, I felt sleepy and Maryam noticed that. When SKo finally met us, Maryam told her what happened. I could not control my tears and told her that it's not the physical pain that hurts but my emotions. She gave me Arnica and within a few minutes I could control my feelings.

Now my emotions is not hurting anymore but my vision got hazy since then. Well, it is just a slight accident but it had made me more cautious with my steps. Perhaps the fall was more hurtful because Nayya was there witnessing her grandpa fell. Luckily she did not cry or traumatised by it. In fact she made jokes about me falling. How much I love my family....

XPDC Gunung Stong (3)

2009-01-05T11:27:00.000-08:00

Kami berjalan menuju ke Gua Gelap dalam keadaan begitu hepi sekali. Terdengar gelak tawa peserta xpdc yang berada dihadapan. Saya bersama dgn kumpulan terakhir berjalan mengikut denai yang lecak kerana difahamkan hutan turun hampir tiap hari ketika itu.

Saya berjalan dgn berhati-hati kerana tak mahu jalan. Maklumlah pandangan pun kurang jelas - lagipun ada bawa kamera sekali. 5 minit berjalan, kami pun sampai dimuka Gua Gelap. Memang gelap gua ni dan kami menggunakan lampu picit. Saya tak bawa tapi nasib ada cahaya dari kamera. Laluan dalam gua ni berliku-liku tapi tak panas.

Kemuncak laluan kami ialah terpaksa memasuki lubang yang besarnya hanya 1.5 x 2.5 kaki yang berair. Saya memasuki lubang itu dlm keadaan terlentang. Walaupun badan besar tapi berjaya juga melepasi lubang kecil tu. Dr. Ramli agak suspense nak melepasi lubang tapi memikir saya yang berbadan besar pun boleh maka dia kuatkan semangat utk melaluinya. (Saya teringat keadaan lubang yang jauh lebih kecil dan mecabar yang pernah saya lalui di Gua Telinga di Taman Negara Kuala Tahan).

Setelah keluar dari gua tersebut, kami menunggu rakan-rakan yang lain. Sempat saya mengambil gambar anak kelawar yang terjatuh dan sudah dihurungi oleh semut. Kami meneruskan perjalanan menuju ke Gua Keris. Tak penat dan mencabar tapi perlu berhati-hati kerana laluan kami dilereng bukit.

Keadaan Gua Keris lebih luas dan banyak iktibar yang boleh kita pelajari di situ, Saya teringat pulak dgn keadaan gua-gua di Gunung Senyum, Pahang.

Di Luar Gua Gelap

Dalam perjalanan ada diantara peserta yg kena gigitan pacat. terdengar jeritan mereka dan gelak tawa yang lain. Tempoh masa yg kami ambil menjelajahi kedua-dua gua ialah 2 jam. Pengalaman yg baru bagi peserta yg tak pernah memasuki gua. Tapi saya tertarik dgn keindahan alam semulajadi ciptaan Allah dalam Gua Keris. Tak percaya? Pergi dan lihat sendiri apa maksud saya.

Perjalanan balik lebih cepat. Mungkin kerana dah yakin dgn situasi dlm hutan. Sebelum menaiki van balik ke Dabung, ramai peserta yg mandi-manda di sungai berdekatan dgn Gua Ikan. Iar sejuk tapi keruh kerana hujan malam sebelumnya. Saya sempat mencuba air jeruk tempatan - sedap.

Setelah penat meneroka gua, kami balik ke pekan Dabong untuk makan tengahati. Kami menaiki van semula untuk ke Gunung Stong pada pukul 3 ptg. Perjalanan selesa berbanding dgn pengalaman saya sebelum ni - dimana kami terpaksa mengharungi sungai untuk ke seberang tebing. Memang mencabar tapi bahaya kerana arus sungai deras dan ketika itu kami tidak dibekalkan dgn baju keselamatan.

Tiba di kaki Gunung Stong, kami sungguh teruja keran dalam perjalanan kami nampak air terjun Stong. Saya dapat mengimbau pengalaman 4 tahun dulu.

Setelah bersiap-siap, kami pun meneruskan dakian kami pada jam 4 petang. Sebenarnya saya masih merasa kerisauan untuk mendaki. Takut-takut penglihatan atau pinggang saya akan menghalang saya untuk sampai ke Kem Jelawang. Trek yng kami laaluan adalah melalui jambataan gantung.

.... akan bersambung...

XPDC Gunung Stong (2)

2008-11-24T14:46:00.000-08:00

When I reached Seremban Train Station almost everybody was there except for Haniza and Norly. I could hear them talking loudly and they sounded elated.

At 8.51pm the train arrived and we alighted coach F2 hurriedly. After ensuring everyone got their seats, I took the last seat meant for our group. I could see and hear almost everyone was on the phone talikng to their love ones. Telling them our their train rides and consoling theirkids or meybe their spouses.

The train ride was a slow one - from Seremban to Gemas where the train will chainge its engine. I commented to Hjh Hamidah about the coach. When I was in Melaka Hospital and went out for any expedition, we would go by the second class coach and not a third class one. I was not happy with this arrangement. But I did not want to cause any ruckus then. Especially when the group from Melaka alighted at Tampin station.

Inspite of not being comfortable, I managed to doze off for quite sometime, unaware of the stop at Gemas, so I missed my late supper there.

We were expected to reach Dabong at 8 am. So we had to say our Subuh prayers on the train. It was an interesting experience then - with the train wobbling and unsteady. We laughed about it. I noticed almost everybody prayed.

As expected we reached Dabong at 7.45 am. I noticed that Dabong had not changed since the last time I was there - in 2004. The same warong with almost the same menu. After taking some snapshots, I took breakfast with the whole group. I tried the local food, ie pulut with kelapa and ikan kering. To get more oomph, I ate some cili padi jeruk. That wa really delicious and hot.

After breakfast, we set out to venture into the caves in Dabong, namely Gua Gelap and Gua Keris. We went there by 2 vans. While waiting for the second van, I tried another local delicacy - fried tapai ubi. Yum yum it was fantastic.. After a short briefing by Odie, our chief guide, we walked to the caves....

Taklimat by Odie
This is Odie Baha
Gua Gelap

... to be continued ....

XPDC Gubung Stong (1)

2008-11-23T18:11:00.000-08:00

It has been quite sometine that I ventured into the deep jungle or scale any mountain. The last outdoor adventure that I was involved was at Endau Rompin, Selai in mid April 2005 - emmm the place where I nearly lost my life.

I had been wanting to go back to the jungle ever since then but fear and knowing my inabilities prevented me from doing it. But I made a promise to myself that before end of 2008, I must go for at least 1 expedition into the jungle. Indeed I was surprised when my wife allowed to lead this expedition. With that approval, I made plans with friends from Melaka and Kuala Lumpur.

I managed to gahter a group of 13 staff from N9 and 9 from Melaka. A small group but good enough to expose staff in N9 on adventures into deep jungles. I could see most of them were excited for many reasons - some had never had train rides before, almost all had not climbed any mountain, some had not been away from family that long, some are afraid of heights, some fear leeches, and the list goes on and on. When I met a few of them a week before the expedition, they were all geared for the occasion inspite of the fears.

As for me, I had to buy new shoes, bag and other assessories. My previous jungle assessories / gears were all gone. The excitement grew everyday. However, I had my own fears - I am afraid I would be a nuisance and hindrance to the team. Not only I cannot see the tracks clearly, I was afraid that I could not proceed climbing because of my back. But the driving force within me is that I want to check & assess the extence of my incapabilities.

13 Novenmber 2008 was the date I was looking forward to. I did a last minute shopping for the bag and later did a frenzied packing about 2 hours before leaving for the train station in Seremban

... to be continued ....

S.T.A.M.P.S.

2008-01-25T04:49:00.000-08:00

Hospital TUanku Ja'afar Seremban has been in existance since late 1960s. It is located on a hill and from far it looks majestic - especially at night. Ever since I was transfered as its director in June 2006, I have tried to instll values that would further improve the image of the hospital.

In August 2997, I launched a concept that are common amongst us. These values are well understood and most of the time hey have been our practice. But some how they are not part of the unconscious practice. The values rae :-

1. S = Senyum or Smile
2. T = Terima kasih or Thank you
3. A = Ampun or Apologise
4. M = Muhasabah or Measure
5. P = Puji or Praise
6. S = Sayang or Share

Just like other values, these are things that would not be of benefit if we do not consciously want to do. Better still if they are been internalised by my staff. Just like "stamps" which are used to send our letters to another person a distance away, STAMPS acan also be used to connect staff and patients, colleagues and clients. Tahnk you for reading this post.

Pokok mengajar erti hidup!!

2007-12-22T15:27:00.000-08:00

Antara aktiviti yg aku suka sejak tahun 2000 ialah trekking ke dalam hutan. Banyak pengajaran yg aku dapat dari hutan. SEmasa berada dalam perut hutan aku banyak bermuhasabah.

Setelah sakit & mula pulih, aku tambah yakin bahawa banyak pengajaran yg boleh aku dapat dari alam. Aku lihat pokok yg menghijaudalam taman ku. (Walaupun hijau masih belum nampak hijau). Pokok boleh tumbuh dari benih atau disemai dari keratan. Tak kra apa pun, ianya perlu dijaga dgn prihatin - air, baja, matahari mengikut jenisnya. Kalau tak, pokok akan mati atau tak sihat. Kita juga perlu elemen kasih sayang, belaian, makanan roh & fizikal, rehat & berbagai lagi. Kalau tak kita juga akan layu dalam pertumbuhan diir sebagai insan.

Jika dijaga dgn baik pokok akan menjadi kuat & menjalani fungsinya. Pokok rambutan tak boleh berbuahkan durian & pokok orkid akan berbungakan orkid. Itu fitrah pokok. Sebagai manusia, kita juga harus menjalani hukum sebagai manusia. Carilah fitrah itu dan kukuhkan dlm diri kita. Kita harus jadi insan ygdikatakan dlm al-Qur'an. Kita harus jadi ummah yg akan memimpin dunia. Kita jgn hanya melihat diri kita saja tanpa memikitrkan kepentingan insan lain.

Marimasuk hutan & belajar dari pokok!! Atau lihatlah kpd pokok-pokok dlm taman anda!!

How strong are we?

2007-12-22T14:58:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I decided to reaerrange the furnitures in our living room. The last time we rearranged them were just before Aildil Fitri. Since Aidil Adha was celebrated the day before, so the furnitres can be put in a more practical arrangement.

Hana & Ami was in the kitchen preparing brunch. Hilmi was still in slumberland. So I moved the heavy furnitures alone. More of pusing with my legs rather than lifting up. I realised that my back is not as strong as it used to be about 3 years ago. Finally after almost 1 hour of hardship the main sofa pieces were moved. By then my back was telling me to slow down. Fortunately for me, Hana & Aimi came and they lifeted the last few item

While resting after all that, I realised that life is about sharing - hardships, happiness, sorrows, and love. If we shared them with others, we will lessen the burden in our hearts. All we need is to ask and tell others that we need their help. We cannot live in this world alone thinking we can face anythiung without assistance of others. Even though we are strong or wealthy or influential when are alive, we still need them when we die. They will be the ones cleaing us up and sending us to our graves. When we die, our body will rot and stenched. No one can tolerate us anymore. So it will be "disposed" to the underground forever. By then we are not strong, wealthy or influential anymore!!

Observe & THink before any Comment

2007-12-22T14:20:00.000-08:00

Before every meal, we walk into the kitchen not knowing what to cook. We open the lader, the fridge and search for ingredients for the cooking. At times things weneed are not there. If there are, it may not be sufficient or not to our satisfaction.

What will we do then? Abandon the cooking? Go out and get the things we need? Or make do with what we have & Improvise! These are some of the decisions we have to make. And that is really true in life. No matter what decision we make, we will have to face the consequences of our decision. No matter how good the decisions are, there are bound to be people who are not happy with us. Even about our cookings!!

AS in cooking, we simply cannot rely on our sklinn or knowledge alone. Even though we have put in all the appropriate ingredients, we need to taste it before serving it for others to give their comments.

Yes, those sitting impateintly waiting for the meal to be served do not even know the difficulties that we had undergone. From choosing the right ingredients, preparing them, cooking before the finally laying it on the table. They forgot all the processes that took place in the kitchen. All they know is to comment, to criticise or to complement the chef.

Life is full of people who do not want to know or forgot about happenings, hardships, constraints of those who tried to achieve the best outcomes of the many things they are given. We talk about raisning our children, about making decicions on the future of our family.... and many other decisions. On many occasions, we don't have the luxury of time, money or knowledge before we made such decisions. We have to rely on our 'gut feelings' or trust in our decisions.

Be grateful if our decisions turned out OK. But if otherwise, we can still simle because we are brave to make such decisions. So before we make any comments, do observe and think about the events BEFORE any outcome took place.

It is just a food for thought. Wassalam

1973 dalam kenangan

2007-12-21T04:44:00.000-08:00

Tahun 1973 selalu menjadi antara tahun yg ku ingat hingga aku mati. Selepas menduduki peperiksaan MCE pd 1972, aku ditawarkan ke Sekolah Dato Abdul Razak (SDAR) di SEremban untuk mengikuti penempatan PRE-UNIVERSITI". Wah! Memang aku bangga kerana itulah pertama kali aku ke asrama. Selama ni lihat saja kawan-kawanku ke SDAR, MCKK & STAR. Tapi aku pun risau keran takut kena ragging. Disitu aku dapat pendedahan awal tentang hidup merantau.

Semasa di SDAR, aku menjalani temuduga untuk ke luar negara. Pegawai JPA yg menemuduga ku tanya tentang cita-cita ku. Apa lagi aku cakapnak jadi doktor lah. Mereka cungkil habis-habisan mengapa & kenapa aku nak jadi doktor. Naik pening aku dibuatnya. Aku rasa aku kantoi temuduga tu.

Bila aku mula ke Tingkatan 6 di High School Melaka, aku tidak belajar bersungguh-sunguh kerana yakin akan ke luar negara. Malahan aku tak duduk periksa pun. Tapi bila cuti sekolah tiba, dan aku masih belum menerima tawaran ke Mesir, aku mula takut.

Abah pulak tak risau, dia ajak aku buat blazer sebagai persiapan awal. Hanya Allah saja yg tahu perasaan ku bila aku dapat matlumat yg Harun Kassim dah ke Glasgow mengikuti Kursus Engineering. Aku rasa dunia ku menjadi ebgitu gelap kalau aku tak ke Mesir.

Allah Maha Kaya. Seminggu sbelum Krismas, aku mendapat tawaran ke Mesir. Aku amat gembira kerana penantian ku selama ni termakbul jua akhirnya. Mak & Abah pun turut gembira.

Hari ke Lapangan Terbang Subang, aku lihat Abah sewa sebuah bas sekolah untuk bawa orang-orang yg akan menghantar ku. Selain dari keluarga ku, ada juga kawan kampung & girlfriend aku. Kawan India ku Arumugam & Ganeson pun ikut serta. Aku tersenyum riang hari tu walaupun ramai orang yg menangis. Di Lapangan Terbang aku jumpa Sharif Bidin (sekarang Arwah). Kami seakan-akan rapat dari mula kami bertemu di Bangunan JPA dulu semasa sessi taklimat.

Semasa menaiki kapalterbang Air France, aku begitu takut. Nasib baik Sharif ada disebelah. Sampai saja di Cairo, aku bagaikan mendapat cultral shock kerana sejuk, berdebu & dikelilingi orang-orang yg tak aku kenal.

Tapi semua itu aku harungi hinggalah aku kembali ke tanah air pada tahun 1980 sebagai Dr. Jaafar a.k.a. Jebat. 7 tahun itu telah membentuk aku menjadi matang & yakin pada diri sendiri. Yang menjadi pendorong ku selama 7 tahun itu hingga ke hari ini ialah isteri ku Suriyakhatun Osman (SKO).

EID-UL-ADHA 2007

2007-12-21T04:16:00.000-08:00

Hari Raya Qurbam tahun 2007 jatuh pd 20 Disember 2007, hari Khamis. Dlm perjlanan ke rumah Mak d Kg Londang, SKO ingatkan agar aku bagitau Mak Minah tentang kenaikan pangkat ku ke JUSA "C".

Setelah kami makan-makan, maka tibalah masa nya. Aku bagai tak bolehluahkan kata-kata untuk memberitahu Mak. SKO lah pula yang pecahkan berita. Mak menangis sambil mengaminkan doanya. Aku pasti air mata kesyukuran yg dilekuarkan.

Sambil melihat telatah Wahid sekeluarga, Chomah dgn anak-anaknya berguarau-guaru dgn cucuku, Nayya & Futya, aku sempat merenung kembali di zaman kesusahan kami.

aAntara 1967 ke 1973, keluarga aku menlalui zaman kegelapan. Hisup kami begitu susah hingga Mak & Abah terpaksa membuat beberapa kerja-kerja kampung - pagi-pagi sebelum subuh, Mak buat kueh putu piring, pulut seri muka, abok-abok & kesui. Kepas tu beliau menoreh getah. Abah pun sama. Musim sawah, mereka ke bendang pula. Begitulah putaran kerja mereka untuk menyekolahkan kami.

Kalau hari raya seperti pagi ni, kami dapatlah makan ayam & daging.Kadang-kadang kami buat lemang. Hiruk pikuklah kami kerana dapat sesuatu yg begitu jarang kami rasai. Pakain baru hanya pd hari raya puasa saja. Kasut baru memang tak boleh diharapkan benar. Selalunya aku akan ke kedai Tai Kah dan tengok-tengok jer. Berangan-angan dapat kasut yg cantik.

Bertuah anak & cucu aku sdekarang. Tapi itu rezeki mereka. Aku tak mahu mereka menjadi atau menghadapi kesusahan seperti aku dulu. Makanan kami hanyalah nasi dan sambal tumis. Cili padi menjadi ulam ku. Ikan kemung yg hampir busuk menjadi lauk kami. Kemudahan letrik hanya kami rasai pd tahun 1970. Dan air paip selepas aku pergi ke Mesir pd tahun 1973.

Aku serik menjadi susah. Aku tak mahu anak cucu ku pula susah seperti aku. Tapi aku hanya boleh merancang. Allah jua yg menentukan. Aku juga tak mahu anak cucu ku lupa akan nikamat yg Allah telah beri kpd mereka nanti. Bersyukurlah dgn apa yg ada. janganlah pula kita bermusuh-musuh. Orang sering berkata, "Orang Melayu menjadi susah bukan kerana kurang wang ringgit tapi dek berpecah-belah, malas, cepat putus asa dan berdendam".

Posa Syawal

2007-10-22T20:40:00.000-07:00

Hari ke 2 posa Syawal. Emmm mlm tadi sakit kepala kerana kurang tidor kot. Faisol ajak makan lepas berbuka di Man Tom Yam. mungkin makan nasi goeng ikan masin sebabkan sakit kepala.

Pukul 1.30pagi, Maryam tipon nak bagitau yg dia dah sampai dari Medan. Alhamdullillah selamat jugak dia di Malaysia. Rindu nak tengok Nayya dan Futya. Aimi pulak tipon pukul 7.30 nak bagitau yg dia dah ada di LCCT untuk ke Medan pulak. Terasa macam Medan ni dekat benar...

Baru jer tipon SKO. Nak tau tentang cucu2 yg dah sampai di Mastanah. Nayya demam dan Futya dah pandai senyum kata Nani dia. Setahu saya dia memang dah senyum2 sebelum pergi sana lagi. Mungkin sekarang senyum dia ada makna kot. Hehehe. hujung minggu baru boleh jumpakerana saya ada kursus hari ini hingga 26 Oktober. Janagan mereka dah lupa kat Nana cukup ler.

Grateful to be healthy!

2007-10-19T21:35:00.000-07:00

Thank God I qam okay this Ramadan & Syawal.

Last Ramadan (2006) I was unwell - almost bed-riddened due to Prolapsed Disc. It was excruciating everytime I tried to walk or move in bed. Nonetheless, I managed to go to work and addressed my staff at the October's monthly assembly. I had never felt that bad throughout my life. Even though I was even more ill the year before, it was different because I was not conscious of it at all. Hehehe.

Now I walk with confidence & even do a lot of gardening at home. I am happy looking at the plants growing new shoots every day. It gives me pleasure and hopefully the plants that regenerate new branches may give me hope tha my vision will improve everyday too.

I cannot help but thank God for giving me this opportunity to appreciate the beauty that God has created for us.

52 years & going strong?

2007-02-09T21:41:00.000-08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!!

I am 52 years old today... Maybe I can have another 15 - 20 years more; before I leave this world. Thats gonna be too short a time compared to the years that had gone by. What else can I ask for these remaining yaers of my life?

As a father, I want to see all my kids prosper in their own ways. I cannot determine what their future will be. What they had acquired all theses years are to be used for their own benefits. I accept full responsibilities for all the shortfalls in their lives. I want them to be better people and do not suffer the hardships in life. The hardships that I underwent as a youth were something I treasured and as much as possible want to protect my kids from them.

At thius point in time, my vision is getter mush better as compared to last year. In fact I am driving more confidently these days. The only problem I have is my back. Last Thursday I did another MRI and found out that the prolapsed disc is still there!!! Em thats why I am having this pain and occasionnally the numbness in my left shin. Suriya is kind enough to treat me suing homeopathic remedy... I pray it will cure me completely..

One of the pleasure we can have is GOOD HEALTH. I hope 2007 will give me better life..... amin

2007 - NEW YEAR WITH BETTER PROSPECT?

2007-01-17T22:02:00.000-08:00

All cakes and candles were long gone. It took me this long to be able to open my blog. I had just finished with my plans for 2007, ie for the hpsital I mean. It is now up to the staff in Tuankujaafar to come up with their followup actions.

Yesterday I when to Bangi to discuss about a new hospital with a new concept. Em lookig at the brief and from the short interaction with them, I could see it would be a hospital with a new approach. Insya Allah it will become a reality in the near future. I

I have been looking forward playing golf. I thought I could start play back on my birthday...heheh. But maybe I will bring earlier to this Saturday. Just to know whether my back is okay or not. Physically I am well but occasionally the pain comes back. But it is not that bad at all. Maybe about 2 - 3% of the severity. Hehe only I will know the seriousness of the pain.

I am pretty sure this 2007 will bring more challenges and bounties to me and my family.

KIFARAH SAKIT

2006-11-27T01:59:00.000-08:00

Em baru ler dapat hadap komputer setelah sekian lama berusaha. Just to update about my health. hehehe

For the whole of Ramadhan this year I was in pain. It was really painful and towards the end of Ramadhan I was walking like an old man. Waking up in the morning was terrible and bathing was equally bad. Got myself admitted to Hospital Tuanku Ja'afar and underwent spinal traction. It was quite an experience sleeping alone in the ward helpless and yet I managed to complete the whole Ramadhan.

Dr. Pravin Dev introduced me to Prof Viknesh (Vicky) of UMSC and he advised me to undergo a Micro-dissectomy. Well, being afraid of the outcome of operation and not wanting to miss Ramadhan, I decided to have the op soon after Ramadhan. Em, Allah is Great. The pain was bad but tolerable during Ramadhan. However, on the second day of Syawal, I was bedriddened bcoz of severe pain. Only then I realised that I should go for op earlier. On the third day of Syawal (Thursday) I went to UMSC. The first leg of my journey from home to HTJ was a very, very painful ne. In fact I cried (insilence) as I walked slowly to the car. Even though Norsham tried to be careful, I was feeling extremely bad until they gave me IM Pethidine and transferred me to an ambulance.

That night at UMC was cold and scary. My feelings were a mixture of fear, regret and humbleness. Luckily, my dear and faithful wife was there to comfort me even though I knew she was not comfortable sleeping in the lazy chair. Thank you Suriya. By the time I dozed off to sleep, I knew I was prepared to faced the outcomes of the operation.

Early Friday morning I woke up feeling a bit oozie and fortunately NOT SCARED. On my way to the OT, many thoughts came to my mind. As I tried to keep Suriya within my sight b'coz I want to see her as long as I can. Wen she left me in the waiting area, only then I felt very lonely. No one holding my hand or talking to me except a staff who asked me a few questions.

The last time I was conscious was when someone told me to breathe through the mask.... the next thing I was awakened by someone. I think he must have called my name or shook me up. It was pretty dark and my head was groggy. I told them that and they pricked my finger to check my blood sugar. Soon I was on my way tback to the ward. Along the way I found out that the pain that was there were no longer bothering me.

Hehehe.. Thank Allah my pain is gone except for numbness and a troblesome subcutaneos pain arounbd my left leg and ankle. Thats not bad compared to the back pain. How much I appreciate good health now.

Thak you to all who have been praying for me.... THANK YOU.

"Stop" & "Listen" to the Signs!

2006-10-08T21:05:00.000-07:00

I am on medical leave til Wednesday. Ah! How I dread all these days layig in bed, sleeping at times, pondering & thinking most of times and walking painfully around the house. I wonder why people like to take MC and stay at home. Well, may be I am incapicitated by my back pain.

It don upon me that life is rather short and unpredictable. There are signs that we should always pay attention to. Take my back pain for example. I have been having backaches for many years. And I even remember having it as early as in 1986, when I went for the Medical Mission in Saudi. My staff had to masage my back in Muassim.

I kept ignoring them, thinking they were just 'simple 'backaches'. There were other signs and yet I kept ignoring them until the worst happened. By that time, it was too late.

If we were to heed to those signs that we get almost everyday, maybe we can be a better person. We tend to be ego-centric and arrogant even to ourselves. Our body, the environment, nature and especially people around us had been telling us about ourselves. But, unfortunatelly we failed to stop our 'hectic lives' and listen to those signs.

I will now try very hard to now "stop" then "listen" to the signs that are aplenty in order to improve myself. - (12.19pm, 9th Oct 2006 @ home)

GOING FOR OP?

2006-10-06T20:58:00.000-07:00

Went to UMMC last Wednesday for second opinion from Prof. Viknesh, a neurosurgeon. He examined and after looking at the MRI told me that a microsurgery of the prolapsed dics could be done and the outcome is normally good. But 3 things really bother me, ie death , coma and spinal paralysis.

Got myself dischraged from ward 7C that day and discussed with SKO. She did some healing over my injury and till today the pain is less. But the spasas and sometimes sever numbness especially over the lateral ankle and thigh can be unbearable. Last night got the pain again. May be I didn't take the pain killer. But by this a.m. is okay.

Thinking to delay the operation until raya. But the pain and spasams still persists I've to go in. But I want to see Aimi on the 22/10/06. Gotta tell myself to be better and overcome this pain. InsyaAllah I will recover...(7th October 2006 @ 12noon.)

P.I.D.

2006-10-01T18:37:00.000-07:00

Yes, thats what I got. Never thought I would get it even though there were signs way many years ago. I thought they were simple back apins due to my weight.

But after I felt that numbness, pain over my let gluteal region and later my left toes were losing its functions, then I knew it has to be PID. I was with my beloved wife wanting to break our fast at Jusco Seremban 2. Coult'nt even accompany her shopping. That night I was in pain. Had myself aditted the next day and MRI showed the prolapsed dics. Hehehe.

After 3 days of traction, the pain has reduced tremendously and this morning (2/10/06) I went down to dliver my monthly speech. I purposely didn't sit while making the speech because that would proved to my staff that I am not strong. Now they can see for themselves how determined I am. Hopefully I will be able to win their heatrs for the sake of the patients.

Yesterday SKO, MKj, AHJ, Dayat & Nayya came after paying their homage to Awrah Rashid. Wow, I was happy seeing Nayya becoming a wonderful little girl. Miss holding her and playing with er. hehehe . InsyaAllah I will recover soon. Gotta stop now before the pain starts.

Antara Intan & Kaca

2006-09-15T11:49:00.000-07:00

Aku bersyukur kerana limpahan yang Allah berikan kepada ku. Sejak aku kecil aku merasakan begitu disayangi oleh ibubapa ku. Seolah-olah aku ini anak yang mempunyai kelebihan dari abang dan adik-adik ku. Mungkin Mak dan Abah nampak bahawa aku lain dari yang lain. Tetapi setahu aku, aku tidak pernah merasakan yang aku dimanjakan lebih dari mereka. malahan aku hidup bersama-sama merasakan kepayahan hidup ketika itu.

Abah seorang askar yang 'garang' dan tidak tahu memanjakan anak-anaknya. Manakali Mak pula terpaksa menghempas pulas memastikan kami semua boleh 'jidup;. Aku masih ingat ketika di Kem Seletar, Singapura dan di Kg. Kayu, Singapura dimana disitu lah permulaan kehidupan kami yang agak susah. Tapi tak pernah kami tak dapat makan. Mak akan menghidang makanan walaupun mungkin tak banyak lauk. Aku tak ingat tentang lauk2. Tapi dalam kesusahan itu, aku masih ada punya prinsip hidup dan masih punya wawasan masa hadapan.... Ya, aku tidak pernah mengabaikan pelajaran ku. Malahan aku sentiasa mahu berjaya dalam pelajaran. Aku akan belajar bersungguh khususnya dihujung tahun..untuk dapat tempat 1 ke 3. a, supaya sekolah akan memberi aku hadiah. Abah tidak pernah memberi sebarang hadiah kepada aku mahupun abang dan adik2 lain. Maklum sajalah, kami susah. Tapi aku masih ingat kepada satu hari dimana Abah membeli buku cerita (lebih kurang 2 - 3 buah). Wah aku merasa begitu gembira dapat membaca buku2 itu. Begiu berharganya hadiah seorang ayah kepada anaknya.

Selain dari memastikan aku berjaya dalam pelajaran, aku tidak lupa membantu Mak di rumah. Aku belajar memasak dan membersihkan rumah. Membasuh kain baju dan membantu Mak menjaga adik2. Amalan ini aku teruskan hingga aku ke Mesir dan berkeluarga. Aku memabntu dan Imenunjukkan kepada Isteriku pada peringkat mulanya kami menjaga Maryam. Lepas Maryam, kami dapat pula Hilmi dan seterusnkya Aiman, Hana dan Aimi.

Setiap anak ada kelbihan masing2. Sebagai ibubapa, aku mahukan yang terbaik bagi setiap anak. Tapi, aku hanya mampu menunukkan jalan utk mereka. Merekalah yang akan meniti jalan itu sendiri.Aku lihat anak2 ku sekarang yang dah besar panjang... Adakah mereka intan atau kaca? Sebagai bapa, aku tetap sayang kepada mereka tapi aku terfikir selepas solat Isya' tadi apa yang akan berlaku sekiranya aku atau isteruku mati kelak? Apakah yang akan mereka lakukan jika kami tiada lagi? Mungkin pencen ku tapi mereka dah tak layak kerena semua dah berumur lebih dari 20 tahun. Aku hanya baki hidup lagi 10 ke 15 tahun.

Ya Allah, berikan ku petunjuk agar dapat aku gilap potensi anak2 ku supayamereka boleh berbakti kepada diri sendiri dan keluarga mereka di kemudian hari. Aku juga sedar bahawa dalam usia yg sudah dewasa, mereka mempunyai cara tersendiri. Kadang2 aku hanya mampu melihat dari jauh dan menelan perasaan aku. Yang pasti, aku akan mati dan mereka akan meneruskan hidup mereka mengikut pilihan mereka sendiri.

DR. NORBAIZURA

2006-09-09T22:16:00.000-07:00

Last week (4/9/2006), an ambulance tranferring a patient from Hospital Tuanku Ja'afar, Seremban to Hospital Selayang met with an acident at Bangi. There were 4 other people besides the patient and the driver in the ambulance.

Out of the 6 people, Dr. Norbaizura and the staff nurse were seriously injured. The SN's condition is improving but still in the ICU. Unfortunately Dr. Norbaizura is still critically ill. She sustained multipl injuries which are life-threatening.

I visited her about 5 hours after the accident when she was still at the Emergency Dept. I could'nt help felt extremely sorry for her, her husband and mother. She was being intubated and had chest tubes on both sides of her chest.. I touched her feet and felt it cold and lifeless. I remembered a poem written by Dr. Mohd Khalid about me at Hospital Queen, Kota Kinabalu. I said my prayers for her and hoped she will pull through it, Insya Allah.

After she was transterrred to ICU, I met a group of her HO colleagues. I advised them to see her and give their prayers to her. That is all we can do to hlp an unconscious friend. When we are unscious, we cannot do anything. It is up to those still alive to help us. I learn this from my ordesal in KK.

Dr. Norbaizura, I ill keep on praying for your recovery if that is better for you. AMIN!!!

At Last I have The Time

2006-09-09T22:06:00.000-07:00

I've been putting off the thought of updating my blog. Last week Maryam phoned me and requested that I update my blog. Tried doing it after my work but unable cos could'nt remember my username and password. heheh.

Even read Aimi's blog but could'nt make any comment for the same reason... sorry Aimi.

Today Hana managed to help me and here I am trying to squeeze the time at Mut Yuuuk's computer. Shes in KL so I can use her computer till this evening.

It is great typing the words and reading words on the screen. I can still remember about a year ago I could not see those words clearly. Now, even though the haze is still there I can read quite clearly. Thank God. Withntime I do hope my vision will improve and I will be able to see the beauty of this world again.

Karnival Jom Makan secara Sihat 2006

2006-09-09T21:49:00.000-07:00

Went to the carnival yesterday with Hilmi. Wanna meet some people whom I've left about 3 months ago. To my surpeise they still remember me and even acknowledged my presence by inviting me to hand over winners of the Food Race, inviting me to dancethe POCO-POCO and even asked me to sing. I know I am not a good dancer nor am I a good singer. But I obliged the organiser after all. you can call me a sporting chap. I admit I am.

Well, life is about being attached to people and doing things that would feel being appreciated. I felt that the organisers wanted me to be a part of the show and it would give them some weightage by my participating in their program. I managed to see the snapshot of my dancing the poco-poco that was candidly taken by Hilmi. Now I believed what my friend told me that I danced like a tree trunk.. hehehe.

I did what I did without expecting any rewards. I appreciated the recognition given to me by the organisers. And if my presence did make their carnival more lively, that would be encouraging both for me and the organisers.

When one of them asked me whether I was happy, I told him that I was extremely elated and thanked him for noticing my presence. .. Jebat

1 st anniversary

2006-05-22T22:48:00.000-07:00

1 year has passed by since I fell ill in Sabah. Ive been wanting to write but unfortunately I have no time to do that at the office. At home, the computer is not user friendly to me.

Even though I can't write but I have been reliving the events that happened to me last year. In fact, I became more retracted and even cried when asked to share my ordeal at workshops - at Pangkor (Kursus PERASA, Hospital Serdang; ESQ Training @ Kota Bahru; TOT Training @ Frasers Hills). Hehehe sometimes I wonder why we have to cry, afterall the event is over and I am OK - except for my vision. mAY BE aLLAH WANTS ME TO a better persdn. InsyaAllah.

Tomorrow (24/5/06) - was the day I traveeled back from KK to HKL. I was weak and able to walk about 3 - 5 meters only. And as I left QEH I remembered looking at the sky in KK. It was dark all around - as if I was in the middle of a full mooned night.

Sounds scary hehe!!

Emmm Good Food vs Poor Health!

2006-04-13T23:59:00.000-07:00

I was with Dr. Han Tieru, WHO Regional Representative recently. We discussed numerous issues - from hospital to health, and covering a wide range of diseases as well. We even discussed personal health issues over dinner and lunch. What touched me most was his determination to control his weight. At least I have a strong reason to lower my weight now. I watched him eat, almost the same meal as I took. But he did not take a second helping. Emm. I knew all about dieting and reducing my weight. But somehow old habit is difficult to shed.

He has a philosophy too - "the best way to control our diet is to observe good mouth management". Besides controlling his diet, he exercises almost everyday. That is something I have to start very, very soon. Target date: 2nd May 2006. Yes, the very day I wil at Seremban Hospital - InsyaAllah.

HAI HATI

2006-04-03T17:48:00.000-07:00

Sering aku berbicara dengan hati ini
Kerana itu saja yang mampu aku lakukan
Bilamana perasaan & jiwa ku resah, gentar, terguris
Hati ku menjadi tempat lontaran

Semalam aku merintih kerana sedih
Kelmarin hati ku mendengar keluhan ku
Hai hati, jangan lah kau pula bosan dengan diri ku ini
Hanya kau lah tempat aku mencurahkan segalanya

Hai hati, aku membawa amanah yang berat
Memikul tanggungjawab yang begitu besar
Dan aku amat memerlukan teman yang rapat
Kawan karib yang mendengar, melayan, menenangkan peransaan & jiwa ini.

Terima kasih hati
Kau lah penghibur ketika aku kesunyian
Kau lah pohon tempat aku berteduh dari perit getir kehidupan
Kau lah teman sejati ku dulu, kini & selamanya.....

RETREAT AT HULU LANGAT

2006-04-03T00:59:00.000-07:00

Just came back from the Program Perubatan Retreat at Agrotek ChaletGarden Resort, Hulu Langat. Went a day earlier (30/3/06) with the committee members to sort out issues before the arrival of the articipants the next day. Everything went according to plans except for minor incidents.

The resort is about 14 km from KL. Its surrounding is pleasant to th eyes - its landscape is fantastic, a stream flows thru the resort. The next morning I woke up early to feel the coolness of dawn. Emm.. Heard birds cheeping happily, mist over the hilltop and the sound of the water is simply wonderful. I could not resist bathing in the stream that morning. Wow! Cold and refreshing. It has been a year since I last had a dip in Endau Rompin.

I noticed the participants enjoyed themselves. There were a number of unhappy faces but it did not matter that much. I think the most rewarding feeling is when 33 of the participants showed enough courage to slide down the 300meters Flying Fox line. I am proud of them - in particular Sister Normah & Sister Yeoh.

From this retreat, I managed to identify a couple of potential individuals who would be our future leaders if they are given proper guidance. My only sadness is that I do not have that much time in Melaka If only I have more time with them, I am sure we can 'rebuild' the KOTA MELAKA of Medical Services.

Hazy Visions

2006-03-27T23:44:00.000-08:00

it has been about a week since my vision became hazy again. But this time it is unlike the previous haziness. Ah! I cannot describe the state of pressure that I am enduring. Only Allah knows. When SKO told me that my vision does not seem to improve because I always say that it is hazy or its dark. I would like to tell people that I can see everything in its normal colour or its normal contrast. BUT THATS NOT TRUE.

However, I kept telling myself that its getting better. And of course its getting better. But sometimes it gets hazy -- like what I am seeing now. I am sure it will be better in the near future. Only Allah knows better than us.

But I get some happiness in my dreams. Yup, in almost all of them, I could see things bright and clear. Thats a felief for me... at least for the moment.

FLYING

2006-03-27T23:29:00.000-08:00

Two nights ago i dreamed that I could fly again. Yeah! Its been quite a while that I had such a dream. In that dream, I felt very excited and a wonderful sensation as I soared over trees and people. I flew in circles and traveled quite a distance that night.

Upon waking up in the morning, I felt a sense of happiness. Normally I had such dreams when my emotions or mind is free of any tension. Sometimes I would have similar dreams when I had experience a state of tranquility. No matter what the reasons maybe, the fact is I could “fly” again… Who knows this will be another new beginning for me and my family, InsyaAllah.

15 May 2005

2006-03-02T18:16:00.000-08:00

Its has been 10 months since I fell ill in Kota Kinabalu. It is a 10 long and testing months for me. I can still remember the day I became fully aware of my condition, ie on the 15th May 2005. That was the day the Specialist extubated me and later that morning my wife told me what happened. It took quite sometime for the facts to hit me. And it really shook me because for almost 1 week I was in tears. Yup, tears just filled up my eyes and rolled down my cheeks whenever I think about my illnes, whenever I spoke to family and friends on the handset, whenever people came to visit me and most of the time I could not thank Allah for giving me back my life.
2 days earlier I could 'see' images of my family and later my wife. Yes! I could see their silhouttes On those days I could not tell them because of the endotracheal tube' (ETT) was still in my throat. But, I thank Allah for making me unaware that the ETT was there! Had I known about it, I would become anxious and restless to have it pulled out. Emm..When my kids were with me, I remember asking them to scratch my back because it was itchy. Hehe, they did not know what I wanted then because I could not talk. Can't blame them though. They kept on holding my hand and shaking it.... Now I know the true meaning of being Blessed by Allah with all the senses!!!

The night before Dr. Lily Ng (the Chief Anaesthetist) told me that if nothing happens, I could be extubated by midday. I was very excited and I wanted the "tube" (actually I thought it was like a mouth piece) to be removed because it was "traumatic" and 'painful" during the suctioning procedures. I had those "suctioning scenes" in my dreams and they were very eerie for me. I kept on thinking that would be one of my most memorable time of my life.That night I told my wife and Hana to rest early so that they witness it; but Dr. Rosnah caught them by surprise. Hehehe. As for me, I was restless the whole night and kept on asking the Staff Nurse on duty about the time.

On 15 May 2005, Dr. Rosnah decided to extubate me early that morning. When she told me she wanted to do it, I had mixed feelings - happy because I wanted the tube out of my throat and sad because my family was not there. I did'nt tell them because I did'nt want to wait longer. (Was I selfish!!) When they asked me to hold my breath before pulling out the tube, I thought "is this one of those suction scenes which were 'painful'. The only difference is, now I am not dreaming anymore". It was over even before I could day dream. hehehe. They were very efficient and professional in their work. The first thing I did was to taste the trail of saliva that was left behind by the tube. Emmm.. it did'nt taste bad after all.
After clearing my throat, I asked the Staff Nurse in a husky voice for my wife and daughter. At that moment, I felt happiness filling my body upon hearing my own voice. (I did'nt know my condition then).
Later that evening Encik Naim, Pn Norohana, Pn Hasnah and Matron Fathilah from HKL visited me. They came a day earlier and I told them to come later after I was extubated. In fact at the first visit, I managed to scribbled some messages to Pn Norohana about Hana and Aimi. I didn't know then that almost all my motor power were very poor. Hehehe. ...

Nadia's Lost

2006-03-02T16:29:00.000-08:00

We do not appreciate what we have untuil we have lost it. I;ve seen many of my friends and relatives losing their love ones recently. only last Sunday Hana was shocked knowing that Nadia's father passed away. what is more sad is that she was still in India. i could not actually feel what Nadia was having then. But the most I could do was saying some prayers for him. I was happy when Hana told me that Nadia has passed her exmas and going to second year. I hope that would take this as a challange and always remember that her dad would be proud if she fulfils her dreams to be a good doctor.

Ah! Life is full of misteries and on many occasions - unpredictable. I told Hana that she could have lost me in May last year. Again only Allah knows best. I'm grateful to Allah for Allah has granted me more time to be on this planet. I klnow my time with my loved ones is getting shortereach day. My wish is for my family to love each other and be close to Allah. O Allah! Do guide me and my family and never leave us astrayed....

Maiden Entry For Me!!

2006-02-09T10:31:00.000-08:00

I have been wanting to make this entry since my recovery from my illness. well its not that easy because of many reasons. Firstly my eyesight was very poor. Secondly, the monitor screen made my eyes watery and made my vision even more hazy. Thirdly, most of my family members are buzy with the computers at home. fouthly, I am not a 'blogger' before this. The reasons will be many more...

But now can put in my thoughts into the blog with the help of Dayat, my son-in-law. But, even then, the background and the font are both WHITE. So I am typing without knowing what it is - until he can help me to change the contrast. This is a great lesson for me to learn, i.e., even at this age, I still need others to guide me through life.... hehehe.
I don't mind cos its only me who will doing the reading after all.
i will wait for Dayat to edit or change the settings ..til then I am writing as if I am 'blind'. hehehe

My Journey Through My Illness 1

2006-02-08T20:11:00.000-08:00

PREAMBLE
This is a retrospective account of my experience before and after my recovery from the illness. After recollecting the events, I will try to make a propective note of my feelings and my experience.

IThis retrospective note/account is a personal and a biased note which is based on me and my thoughts and felings then. The reason why I am putting it down is to remind me and my family of the incident. Hopefully we will benefit from it. Insya Allah.

A WEEK BEFORE FALLING ILL
I was not feeling well since coming back from KL - a day after rreturning from Taiping where I was invited as a speaker. While in Taiping I played golf with Mr Sam. We were playing in the rain that day. After my talk, I wanted to stay another day in Taiping but SKO was upset knowing the course ended earlier and she will be in KL that weekend. So I drove back to KL and stayed in the car while waitting for her to fetch me in between her lectures. Again I was caught in the rain that day. That night, SKO was having a fever and I was OK. The next day I started having low grade fever. I told her about it and she said I might have caught the flu from her. Even though I was not well, but 'low grade fever', running nose or cough is not a nuisance to me. I might have told a couple of staff and friends either in HKL or HM.

27 March 2005
My flight to KK was at 8.00pm. That morning I went to HM to get Paracetamol and Voltaren. Before going I phoned Farah and Hjh Hamidah.When I reached Farah's office, Hjh was there and when I told her about my fever, she discouraged me from going. I told her that I want to rest in KK. Hehe - indeed I took a long vacation from work. Later that morning I belanja Hamidah and KJ Zainon at Restorant 85.
That evening I took Blackie to KL and left it at HO quarters in HGKL. I also left behind all the medicines I took from HM.
While waiting for the flight to depart, I had rigors at the Golden Lounge in KLIA. Fortunately I had 2 PCM with me and took them before alighting the plane. On board the plane I asked for more PCM and even requested from the stewardess to keep the blacket - saying I might be ill in the hotel.
That night I could not remember having any more rigors but the fever still persisted.

28 March 2005
Early that morning, I phoned Dr. Daud to tell him that I needed to see a doctor and he directed me to see a specialist at Queen Hospital KK. I waited for the transport that he promised but decided to go by taxi because the ambulane driver was not near the vehicle. By then my fever was becoming quite unbearable.
The SN at ward 8 was kind enough to check for my temperature and comfirmed that my temperature was high. I think around 40. Nothing much happened that day except (1)I could not take the food they gave me. The fish was simply too tough for me. So I asked ?Dr. Rohaizad to buy for me nasi Kampung pedas and telur dadar. Even then I could not eat them. (2)a few people visted me - Datok Gani, Datuk Aziz, Datin Rahimah, etc (3) I could not remember SMSing people from 28 April til I was intubated. -- to be continued